Monday morning blues......

Or rather black and blue….in and out that makes me go --oooo belly booooooooo…
Eehh!!!!!


Pardon me with this weird start but cudn’t help it.. this is my Most Authentic reaction to my typically drowsy Monday mornings. 

7:30- startled by my cell phone shrieking at me…. Almost exhausted of being snoozed again and again and again….. as if it was about to kill me for doing that to it….(I would have been killed someday if my cell phone started to take my actions to it on its heart…. :P)
…OMG late again…….
Don’t panic, don’t panic…….you”ll manage……. You specialize in running late..I reassured my panicky self…….I reassure myself or insult myself I still don’t know, but whatever it is, --what I know is that it surely helps…….
8:45- my class starts.. Finance today…shit, he”ll not let me in……..cursed myself and dashed from my hostel to the learning centre. When you are running late even 100 metrs seem to be a lengthy affair and you don’t even know whom to curse..;)
Skipped breakfast, this was a tradition for me now…….
8:52- may I get in sir, (sheepish voice that barely managed to make its way through my vocal chords….. ironical to my usual very loud dominating voice call…… I felt meek )
What followed was a nasty stare that scanned me and ripped me through and that eye movement instructing me to get in…..
Went back and sat with my loyal group of friends who as always had reserved a seat for me on the usual backbenches.
8:55- I take out a notebook from my bag and stare at its cover. It’s a ‘ Photoshop disaster’ There is a picture of a vase with roses that are three times the size of the vase. The text reads ‘Time and tide waits for none’. What does that have to do with oversized flowers? Huhhhh!!!!
I shrugged…… wondering how come I noticed it today only, with half the notebook already scribbled.
My so very important thought was intervined with Neha punching me hard.. ‘Did the assignment? And prepared for the quiz? It’s today no………….
Devastated..
Y ISN’T THE GROUND BENEATH ME CRUMBLING…..
Damn I havn’t done it….I did this inner melodrama to pacify myself I guess……coz she wasn’t interested……
The proff. Talked a lot today, about ratios and cash flows that very flawlessly did flow off my head or out of it….. I dunno……coz to me they were like nuclear reactions in my Cerebellum……….or better stated “chemical locha tha kuch boss……..”
Working capital…. Cash flow , fund flow analysis… depreciation….yawwwwnnnn………………. I just got the last word.
10:00- half an hour more for break..yaaawwwnn again………. “I am pretty consistent in my performance” :P
I looked around, Megha – like the geek she is, was so engrossed in the lecture as if it’s some meditation class…. Rohit, was having a tough time concentrating but was still staring, I wondered if that helped.
I tried, and what I could do was stare and duck with eyes heavy. I made a quick decision, I should sleep for 2 mins.
Decision implemented.
My bliss was quickly interwiend by the proffesors hoarse roll call……
I stood up, blank…..”who ,me?”
Yes you….
What are the stakeholders interests in a company’s annual report?
OOO la la……………….stumped….
His stare seemed to penetrate my brain as if he himself is trying to get an answer for his question straight from my brain… I guess he understood that there was a major imbalance in my neurotic annual reports and is perfectly full of “suspense accounts”..
Answer my question…..
And I wanted to say so badly that” I am bored….. and that his moustache is so perfectly perpendicular to his nose and That I don’t know the answer”
I just managed to blurt out something though……..momentary prudence I call it to be……..some jargons ..in form of a bhelpuri mix that I definitely not understood..but I managed to blurt out……
And he nodded………….
Omg.he nodded…………… was I right….?
If yes..what did I speak……….someone tell me too please……..
I felt stupid again………..
10:30- break……….was like music to my starved ears………. Solace!! Got to know the real meaning in depth of this word ………….i guess I get it every Monday………

p.s: all stated facts, fiction….but not the blues :(

Dedicated to I only....

Statutory Warning: ..... not for people who:
1. hate the terminology "I"
2. hate "me" ;)
as what follows is an eye and mind torturing innumerable use of "I"!!!! (I,I,I,i.. I love I..... questions anyone..eeehhh!!!!!)
Its 1:28am and am not at all sleepy and hence came here to my only patient listner, my blog,,,,, yet another opportunity for self reminding actualization!!!
I have been tagged useless, aimless, feeling less, senseless, heartless, loveless, dreamless, emotionless........so many lesses, I wondered if there can be more of "less" in me.
No......... Naah.. Not at all....... I don't think I fit into any of the above categories, I know my worth, I know what can I achieve, I know what rock solid substance I am made up of, I know how to live, I know when to get up, even if I am late mostly :P
I know and I believe in love. Most importantly I love myself for what I am now, in spite of all odds.... Let me be I...
Surviving all these 20 critical years of constant critical and useless reminders by people, who don't care to oil there own machines and all unnamed worthless freaks have made me what I am today"......

Don't bother judging me please. I am absolutely fine, I love to talk, make friends, crave for choclates, irritate people

I know some people must be so willing to criticize me but I have this for u... RIP:D
Thats all for now.. plz comment, even if this MASTERPIECE called "I" meant crap to you!!
OH!! I so Love I ;)

p.s- i guess i have gone nuts, but tht how I am loving it to be today........

Freedom.......as i percieve it to be....

Its 12th August, 01:16 am (Indian standard time) and again, the same time of the nite and the same me... with the same feeling- "What do I do? "........ m not at all sleepy,.. i guess m adopting certain vampireish traits ;) or watching vampire diaries has begun taking a toll on me......:D

anyways..But what just struck me while writing the date was the approaching celebrated date-15th Aug. and the word "Indian standard time" ...subconciously though, filled me with a gush of pride. That today, unlike before "we" have our own standards even for a free flying bird like - "Time".


A proud feeling, isn't it? And with Independence Day coming by, I felt all the more strongly for it.
What I believe is .... there is one thing common about every man and women who has ever walked the face of earth. People, every where, in every culture and in every generation are basically the same in this respect.
It doesn't matter whether they lived in developed west, still developing east or in forgotten corners of Africa..... people all around the globe yearn for one thing,,,,
and that unannounced feeling is the feeling to be FREE..... the sense of FREEDOM....which is a yearn of every heart, the quest of human spirit.
So,.... on Independence Day unlike all politically correct definations pertaining to the Indian history, what I celebrate is the feeling of being "Free"... freedom to pertain, percieve all that you desire and crave for under the noble sky.
"Give me freedom or give me death" is a statement of intent that was engraved on the heart of every man long before Patrick Henry ever made it.


when I hear today , that women empowerment is taking lead, or norm laid to hike up literacy, people outcasting to say their hearts out.. freedom of press to express ( i just rhymed ;)) ..even an idle "stuff" like me, writing and bugging you all....
Each and evrything is all my perspective of freedom.. the way i define it..
When a person has this freedom ..when he can lay under the sky ( be it be the sky of west or east),,what matters is the unchecked, unprecedented flow of thoughts, that have the potential to BUILD, INNOVATE, GROW, HOLD RESPONSIBILITY, LEAD..........
That is what i call FREEDOM to be............

JAI HIND ....!!!


p.s- i dunno what made me write "this".......bear with me.. a mood swing i guess...... overpowered by dates i guess..........
t.c stay in good health...

wanna relive my lollypop days...........

From a curious little child,
To today a girl of twenty.....
i saw hw time has flown by
My wishes have changed,
n so r my aspirations n vision.......
But..
the thing tht still persists....is that I continue to dream.
The only difference is,
I don't want to be Cinderella,
I don't want to bathe my barbie dolls,
I don't see stars as magic balls anymore,
And now I know that there's no Wee Wiley Winky hidden in my house!

As time changed,
So did it change me.
hav grown in an all together different person..
the tiny winy statements of chuckle
hv evolved into statements of expected prudence..
pressure levels soaring high..
so is the temperament,
so much so envelops me now..
that the carefree attitude of my doll houses r gone..

The lollipop days have gone..
But the sweetness still remains...
And,
It still brings a smile to my face,
And sometimes I want to re-live the times
When I would stare at a balloon with my eyes open wide!
with no worries,,, just an innocent carefree smile....... :) :)

p.s- pardon the way i m acting lyk a kid all over, but cudnt help it... with teh pressure levels soaring high.. i just stole a moment of solace through this one... hope u all like it........n do chk the sketch......new one tht i made
n yupiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee
i cn post again... my bloger is responding now. loving it.. missed u blog.lol

All i need is --My Lone star... *

ohhki, the beast is out again, with its imagination goin loose...so here i go......




With my ear plugs in my ears, I was standing at my terrace on a winter night.
As the wind blew, I felt cold.
But I still stood thr.... bare feet,
Feeling the chill strike me hard…
It was so strong, I could almost feel it deep in my heart.

It was all dark ...
The moon was half hidden behind a cloud. peeping at me and asking obvious questions-y r u out grl wen the wrld's sleeping???

but I was busy staring at the single star out in the sky.
While all the others were hidden,
Not showing their light.

This little thing was brave, It was out in the cold….... Maybe it was scared, but it was still out-" Showing some hope".
I tapped my fingers as the music played, I did hug my knees and cuddled up in the corner. I heard the clock struck two, But my heart expresed no notion of going inside
"In the warm".

I sat in the corner,
And gaped at that star.

My body was numb
But my heart,,,,,, Wanted to be a companion to that brave thing, that was out there in the freezing cold .

I wanted to be with that star,
Because I knew what it was like
When you have to stand alone…
When everybody leaves you and goes into the warm..........


........................
.............
.......
...
..
sometimes....all u c is tht "lone star".the star of hope...
wen u r thru a dark tunnel...all u need is not any torch bt just that feeble- flickering and faint star of urs, and that star is the person tht stands by u wen u need someone to hold on to u the most.wen everyone else has gone in the cozy habitats.


p.s-wrote this winter nite imagination on a hot summer nite but my lone star is not bounded by seasons.
it just stands alone.wen evryone else goes in to thr cozy habitats, n it still stands thr undithred,.... to gv hope.
dedicated to all the people who hav - no matter what , hav always stood by me..thru my thick n thins....blessd to hv u....
love yaa....
wud post soon.n yes had an amazing day out ..loads f thngs came up ovr a brunch of sandwitch....wish i cud hav freezd the moment........
t.c stay in good health.

THE MOST WONDERFUL THING ABT LIFE IS ITS TERMINATION

Suicidal title isn’t it? What do you feel about it? Most certainly this statement is a manifestation of the thousand losses of a ‘born-loser’…

Before I get going in my business of expressing views on yet another weird post of mine, I would certainly want you to ponder over on what life means to you! That is the only way we all can connect to something which might seem ‘not worth discussing’……
........
.....
..
a few days ago, i ws googling certain thoughts n quotes on 'life'(i possess this strange habit f googling strange thngs. . Lol) n thr i came across this statement. . . . N trust me this statement did put me in a fix!.

the moment i read this line, thoughts started squarming my mind shell on as to what life is, how important is it to live and face the challenges (which they said is the most wonderful thing!). After all wat i had always believed is that the beauty of life lies in the ''life'' attached to a lively life ., , I thought that the line about the beauty f termination of life is a pessimistic one and only a loser will utter such a statement!

Thinking this i ws abt to shut down my computer n while clicking on the button ''shut down'' , , i stopped for a while, , , (what if the thngs tht r running, never shut down?, wat if a running task never winds up? Being a person f programming field i realise the ‘END PROGRAM’ command of any computer program and it’s significance.

All this while I now knew that I will be the only one who will like a ‘loser’ support this statement!

To redirect myself on the statement i thoight about the time-frame of life.

Well the flowers (flora-lovers take note!) many of them live for a day. They blossom and die. Just like that! The best thing about them is definitely the fact that they die in their prime without letting anyone know how it looks a few moments before it’s death!

What about the projects? Isn’t the ending of any project the most wonderful thing? That yaa, , ,finally the burden's over n its completed (i guess the engginers wud agree)

So isn’t death which redefines the fact that we are after all "humans"! We all know death is inevitable so why don’t we stand up and say that it is what makes us complete! If you are a believer in life after death you’ll be so happy to be relieved of all this worldly sins and who knows Peter might call your name!

And don’t we all believe that ‘we live in deeds and not in years'

And how about our beloved Micheal Jackson ? The moment the man (?) dies Wikipedia crashes, the media goes in a tizzy and why? Definitely not to tell us about his child abuse history but how great he was! Trust me if MJ is reading this he would be winking and agreeing that there couldn’t be a wonderful thing as death simply because he is reverD more nw after his death .. .

the most relevant example I could give was of this nuisance called ‘love’ which happens (‘keeps happening’ for some but not me!). So isn’t ending this the most wonderful thing you can do when you know you can’t sustain it, when you know probably he/she is much better off without you? If you believe that this is actually love and it’s not working, without a shadow of doubt termination will be ‘the most wonderful thing’ (Yah, You might be called names like ‘martyr’! But back yourself!)

;) ;) pun intended.

(I ALSO THOUGHT OF LINKING THIS ONE WITH THE BIRD "PHOENIX"-A BIRD WHICH LIVES FOR ABOUT 500 YEARS BEFORE DYING AND RISING AGAIN FROM ITS ASHES........ THOUGH FICTIOUS BUT TRUELY DEFINES THE BEAUTY OF A martyr

so cn i now say tht yaa somewhere down my ficke mind ;) i do believe in the beauty of termination of lyf. .. . .

Coz tht makes me n u complete.



p.s- unlike the usual ones this post came down quite haevy on my head too.had to ponder a lot... whole lot of an inside out, topsy turvy came out........ wud look forward to inputs frm u all.........
kep smiling, love u all.....

n ya.....i made that sketch,do tell me hows it.....

Imperfect me...........!!!!

Imperfections.............
Flaws...................................

Throwing my idle self on the couch today was trying to figure out these highly negative words....and I didn't have to ponder for long, just looked up and saw myself, my own reflection in the mirror, and Yaaaaaaaa.....that, was my answer..
"The Imperfect Mee!!!! "
But does that mean that I don't adore me????

I am not a perfect girl,
my hair doesn't always stay in place.
I don't have that mirror cracking personna and at times carry myself in an annoyingly clumsy way.
I spil things a lot,
I act dumb at times and sometimes do have a broken heart...
My friends and i sometimes fight,
and may be somedays nothing goes right....
I act stubborn and stand strong,
but there are times when i need someone to just - hold me on!!!!

But when I think about it and take a step back I realize how amazing life is and may be just may be i like being imperfect.
This highly -ve word is so much so +ve and full of life for me, with all the imperfections.
I am my dad's 'joker' and my mum calls me 'nanni' , and all my idiotic behaviour gets me a peck on my cheek from my sister after she's tired of grumbling at me,,, Oh!!! i so love u sis...
My loved one calls me 'dumbo' and 'bhullakad' and much more crazy stuff.....but then there are times when i am "the brave girl".. :)
What i now know is that I don't wanna be perfect as that is what makes me - ME!!!!
And my friends love me,, my family adores me and that is what matters and my life is tooooooooo beautiful being - THE IMPERFECT ME !!!!..
AND yaaaaaaaa............... THAT IS WHAT MAKES ME ME!!!!!.......



p.s- dedicated to all the lovely adorable people around me....tht have jeweled the simple Imperfect garland of my life,n made it precious for me.........
love you all..mmmuaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

t.c........stay in good health, would post soon.........n yaa.its raining again.n m loving it... :) :)

-regards

Drenchd in the first shower of the season . . . . .. .

Hiering the copywrites frm 'mc donald's to say . . .''m loving it'' ... . . ;) ;)
Lol
Finally some solace to quench the thirst of the weary soul n soaring temperatures. .. . . . First shower of the season ws like a much awaited guest tht came in without a knock or a shudder. . . .bt with all pleasant surprises. . ..standing on my roof top, gettng all drenched, with the rain drops embracng me n the whisltle of the breeze . . .swaying in harmony with my hair curls. . .. .loved it all . ..
Felt as if the monsoon is playing seduction games with me.. . .n the tree branches nodding in affirmation n swaying n swinging along to sing tht perfect song of nature. . .
Nature-which no doubt is the purest form f beauty .. . So siren .. . .
Standing with arms open to embrace the gesture returnd to me, i felt as if t ws meant only for me.. , making my heart skip a beat, ....swayng to the whirls of the wind. . . .i m still enjoyng it .. . With a feeling.. . ''ye dil maange more'' . . . .
Awsum is the mawsum.. . . !!