And so I became the maniac I was- AGAIN!!

And so I became the maniac i was- AGAIN!!!

There comes a point in life, where all the senseless drama exhausts you, the negativity drains the last drop of strength from your disdained soul and you are left with a thousand questions which seem to have no answer. The monstrous monotony of the routine pulls you down and you feel like running away--hiding in a secluded corner-- away from friends, away from office, away from the worries. You do not know what went wrong, you don't even know how to bring things back on track.In worse cases, you don't even know if there is anything wrong at all. You just feel alone, sad and helpless.....your life feels out of control and that frustrates you.
There are people around, who try to help you, but you are so obsessed about your own dilemmas that you tend to ignore them, or in worse cases even shut yourself away from them..you end up hurting the ones who are closest to you, only to regret that later.
Over the past few months, i have come to conclude that life is not easy- it is just not supposed to be that way.
That is how it is for everyone- every single human!
Every one has to face it all- sometimes loneliness, sometimes sadness, sometimes depression, sometimes failure..and then gradually happiness follows. No one can be exactly in same mood or phase throughout the life.
Somehow,how long one wishes to stay in that mode decides how well he will cope up with it.
Everyone has problems, your ability to deal with them decides your fate. It is okay to be low at times, it is okay to give yourself some privacy and to ponder about the mess around.It is okay to even curse and cry ..but then make sure to get over it completely, and then return stronger!
Never cry over the same problem twice...nor keep your eyes wet for so long that you fail to see the happy days coming.
A close friend once said -"cry as long as you want now,and then we will laugh about it later!" He made sense!
Another friend once said- "Remember there are people who are willing to go out of there way to just make you smile, see glitter in your eyes, they are still waiting for you outside. Don't make them wait for too long." He too made sense!
There are always some people who need you..not the sad or depressed you- but the fierce you! Don't underrate or ignore them!When you cant deal with things alone, then don't lock yourself in a room, where no one can come to bring you out.
Life is good! Despite worst situations, good people exist and they care for your well being... buck yourself up, and treat them well! They are the people God has sent as a link to the good days...they help you to look out for small packets of happiness and soon you will collect a bag full of them.
Trust people for your own good!
Every one has setbacks..its natural! Accept it!
If you run away from the situations..they will come running behind you! Stop! Decide how you are going to deal with them! Think! and then Act! once you decide to take control over your own life, things will automatically fall in place.
You are never alone...neither are you the only person having problems in life. Infact you are lucky to have the power to steer your life in any direction that you want! Be the driver or your life, and you will never be alone to travel on the road.

 Back in Action... like a live wire laid loose... and yes Psyched about it.. 

Not Calling it a comeback!!

Though I may appear to be dead, much to my amusement I am indeed still breathing…

If it seems like I've completely disconnected from blogging, that's because I more or less have. But, I have not stopped writing.
As it was indicative in previous posts, real life had hit me hard and precisely, derailing much of the previous, youthful free-time I once enjoyed (wasted). But I'm still writing. Not nearly as much as I would like, but words are being applied to blank pages and saved to hard drives.

Now more than ever, I struggle to demolish the figurative mental block that has been the bane of my sputtering non-existent writing. It seems my mind has decided that the best time to come up with new and exciting ideas is when I'm in the midst of a busy workday and then promptly decides that it has no business focusing or doing anything useful when I finally get a chance to sit down with a pen in hand.

Yet, at the same time, though the work that I do produce comes out at a pace similar to congealed honey, I find that I am much less disgusted by it than I have been with past efforts. Slow and steady wins the race I suppose. So for a change you ask? Well now that I have finally dealt with the rollercoaster that my personal life had been, I have resumed my fellowship.. Finally after promising myself that I will finish it ..months and months ago.. is still very much a project within its infancy, but now at least I have started to work towards it.

Don't hold me to any of this though because I've made countless similar promises before without delivering. Until next time... (whenever that may be) :P :P

The Girl at that Airport!!

Are relationships really that fragile… if yes, then why do people covet it so much?

Just because it is comparatively easy to turn your back, rather to face the situation.. people decide to let it all go…
Mirrors lie… and ask difficult questions! Will he still love me when I have wrinkles?
Tangled hopes on the longevity of relationships..
Am I only what I do or whom I love?
In loving someone did I end up losing who I actually was? Will he ever realize how wrong he did?
Have I missed the bus?
Why is moving on so hard?
Never ending questions with really no answers… and probably the answers that don’t even matter anymore…

We see only what we choose to see…

That moment in life when you reach a point and realize that nobody in the world understood you… your family, friends, ‘ex’-boyfriend..

Huh!! But then, who has ever really understood a woman’s broken heart!!
And who has ever known how long it will take to heal.. I was truly alone.. and…. It didn’t matter anymore!
Broken hearts can be mended! All it takes is a few nights of drunken revelry, many nights of tear stained pillows and haunting memories…
. The real solution to a broken heart is not always ‘another man’… rebound doesn’t always give the strength to what we call ‘a re-bounce back in life’.

A red dress and stilettos and a new hair cut.. and you feel like all your dreams can come true.. that everything is just as good it should have been…
Then you wake up the next morning and realize it’s just another regular day… the fantasy world’s longevity has expired and you face the bitter truth… AND.. you put your life on hold.. untill the next time you are ready to take out that red dress again from the closet.

To feel alive AGAIN!!
Seeking happiness and love and this time… definitely not in the ‘Wrong place’.

P.S: STUPID GIRL...

He believes in Soul mates!

He gets me, thinks i'm beautiful, funny and smart.

He's beautiful and charming. He makes me smile and my knees go weak.. I could listen to his voice for hours. He makes me feel alive and believe in soul mates. He makes me want to be a better person. Does this sound cliché enough yet?

My head over-ruled my heart. He told me he'd wait for me...come back for me. He told me good things come with patience. When I get done whatever it is I need to do, will he be at the other side faithfully waiting?
Probably not, but it's a beautiful thought.
I believe in Soul mates!

VOID......

Disclaimer:

Work of Fiction.. don't bug me people with raised eyebrows.....



A night spent in the realms of my balcony.. thinking about you..
Maybe i'm crazy for feeling this way, stumbling over my heart in the darkest of hours searching for your light. I'm standing here trying to work up the courage to say,I need you in the most beautiful way.
I know how I feel when you're next to me. When i look in your eyes, I'm lost with wonder.
I don't know what next to do..Do i tell you to leave it all behind,make promises I dream to hear,dig deep in my heart and tell you that i love you..whisper sweetness in your ear.
I can say i smiled and spent the best days beside you.
I'll miss you again
I'll miss you hard
I'll miss you always
I'll miss you more and more
Every single day!
As each day closes and comes to an end I'll count the months and days till I can see you again..
The absence of you consumes all of my days..I can’t help but miss you in so many ways
Sometimes the sadness of not having you here Leaves me with doubt and followed by tears I know in my heart that the time passing will heal The ache and the doubt when I can hold you for real!

Now that you are leaving.. to realize your dreams, your true potential. This stupid girl will be waiting for you. Waiting.. with a head strong to be your strength, to make you push further to your dreams.
I might not get to see you as often as I'd like, I may not get to hold you in my arms at night, but deep in my heart I know that it's true. No matter what happens... I will always love you. I wish that I could hold you now... I wish that I could touch you now... I wish that I could talk to you... be with you somehow.
I am not weak to forgo. He says he doesn't believe in weak moments that can drift us apart, so do I. If you love someone more than anything, then distance only matters to the mind and not the heart.
Distance between our hearts will not be an obstacle... rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be. A lot of people walk in and out of my life, but... you're one of the only ones I ever really wanted to stick around. They say that distances make your strong.. I am so a believer of it.
I am too hopeful and adamant to make things work..Maybe he's doing the same thing as me... maybe he is missing me.. maybe he has still not learnt to iron his clothes and who is now doing it for him.. maybe he still has the same sweet tooth.. maybe he is still cribbing with the taxi driver for the increased fair.. may be he is still too clumsy to take a shower… may be he still cries like a baby when the water is cold.. maybe he still gives that stupid idiotic grin when he is a little high.. maybe he still crack those lame jokes that once made me go crazy..may be his stare still has the spark to make me skip a beat… .. then again, maybe I shouldn't fill myself with false hope that he might just be missing me like I'm missing him. I still will live on hopes.
I sit here and wonder if you understand just how much of me belongs to you.
Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I’ll stay up and think of you... and I wish on a star that somewhere you're thinking of me, too. After all the time that we would be apart…. After we have been through the test of times and the bond so strong.. that longing to see.. to feel the touch again…… I’ll dream of you coming up to me and say that it was worth the wait…. wanted me ……I'd say "yes!... It's about time what took you so damn long!" Missing you isn't the problem, it's wondering if you'll ever come back that's killing me.
I’ll miss the never ending nonsensical talks we used to have, I’ll miss the voice I used to hear... I’ll miss hearing your crazy but cool stories. I’ll miss all the little things. Like him caressing my hair with his fingers… the way he used to watch me sleep…the way we would break into a jig in the middle of the road just because I was this big nautanki… the way he used to make be cross the road like a child… holding my hand in those long chirpy walks late night…I’ll miss cooking for u and cribbing for u watching TV and not standing by my side. I’ll miss u not being there to put ur arms around my waist from behind and trouble me while I am working.. I’ll miss the time spent cozy with you when you were all around me, the the scent and the feel of you. And I’d fall asleep in your arms, with the sound of your heartbeat being the last thing I heard before going to sleep. I ache with longing. Above all these... I’ll just miss you!
I often catch myself constantly wondering how you are, sitting alone with my mind set so far, reminiscing about your smile, voice and touch, damn this life... I'm missing you too much!
I get this feeling we'll be together again. No straight lines make up my life, all roads have bends. Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing that I won’t have for a while. I've been laying here all night, listening to the rain. Talking to my heart and trying to explain. Why sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been. Yes I do think about you, every now and then. In this weird twisted way, I know you will miss me too, not because I want to believe it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can be with you like the way I do, love you the way I do. Just the thought of being with you tomorrow is enough to get me through today. It's YOU. You mean everything to me... you are the first thought in my head in the morning when I wake up; my last thought before I go to bed. You smile at me in my dreams... when you are sad, I fell sad, and when I see your true smile, I feel incredible, like there is no other thing around and all I can see is you. The best feeling in the world is to be millions of miles away and still be able to picture his eyes.

With this I wish you luck.. for all the adventures, explorations, learning and achievements that are in store for you… I am not hopeful, I am sure that you will do wonders. Their will be a heavy heart here waiting anxiously for you. Heavy not for the tears but with those precious moments of joy that are awaiting to be relived again with you… JUST YOU!!!......
P.S: I LOVE YOU 

lazy dusk........

when i look above..cn c the starts shining so bright ..evn diamonds may feel shy.....covering me in there velvety blanket..looking at me from above.,,,,,telling my quizitive eyes that the one u r missing is missing u too.....n staring us hard to c u through....

“Does terror have a religion?”

My take on the aforementioned topic debated on NDTV’s big fight:

Oh no, not this now, don’t start debating on terror also now-categorically!! And what is the point of dragging religion into it anyway, I mean, wasn’t the futile ramps on making political issues on the name of religion enough that we are here debating to add a new asterisk to it in the name of terrorism!!
It’s said and believed, and when I say believed (be it be the fairy tale drama, or sheer-ignorance belief) I do believe, that fear is less when it does not have a face. It is a dark hole with void perhaps, but giving that fear a mask of religion would no longer terrorize, it creates havoc!!
Isn’t it huge enough already? The raging terrorism, destruction, hatred up surging everywhere that we now be so shallow to start debating on the percentage of Hindutva or the Muslim factor, to further trigger the fire.

Who are we? “pokers”!! , that instead of finding means and ways to curb the bloody attacker together we have to stand and comment, rather debate on him wearing an orange robe or a green one!!
Giving “terror” the “freedom” to:
Choose and kill,
Kill and choose
Or no bias: kill all !!
All the permutation & combinations fitting in so well, ironical isn’t it?


P.S: I couldn’t help being sarcastic, so no offends if any “green or orange” sentiments, I did hurt, as I am myself a little BLUE..
Go on people, host big fights (NDTV), or go on debating people, igniting minds and we here will sit and blog about you.
For me, terror is just a filthy fish’s poop in the shallow waters of world , no matter what country’s tailored product it may be.

Purple shorts

Make that purple shorts.

Summer and I don’t really gel well.
Summer hates me and I can’t stand summer!
If I could murder it, I would have done that long back. And the heat really affects my mood. I go mad, like berserk. Start snapping at people like a maniac and all that.
It’s 49.4 degrees in Jaipur. Omg!
What is wrong with the world!
I rather get dragged by camels there than bear the heat.

Oooh by the way, I’ve started meditating. Not proper meditating but it’s more like just sitting in silence for a while and having a completely blank mind. It’s quite a task for someone like me who always has something or the other going on inside. Does your mind hum? Mine does.
In those few minutes, I don’t give a shit to anything else. They can all wait.
With so much happening these days, I thought my poor lil’ head deserved a break. I know I’m sounding like this 50 year old right now but what to do yah!
Am I turning into some sadhu?
Not the ones in orange robes who go wandering off into the forests of course.
More like the ones who are allowed chicken.
And sex.
Aha!

Zach Braff is so adorable in Scrubs.
I want to adopt him :(

Oh and curly hair, I hate you.
Shooo!