Stupid girl!!!!!

Rain fell that night. Endless buckets of torrential, warm rain…….


The pavement smelled like summer….. I danced, spinning like the Tasmanian devil, my arms stretched, trying to reach the sky. Imagining it would be silky and rich to the touch.



I tipped my head back, but not closing my eyes as I let the drops wash my soul away. My denim shorts clung to me, my paper-thin t-shirt sticking to my back. The raindrops quivered on my eyelashes, nose, and hair. I licked my dry lips and tasted salty tears.

I realized I was crying. …..Thunder cracked and my shoulders shook. Lightning split the clouds, violently beautiful and I felt my tears mingling with the rain.

The sky is crying with me, I thought deliriously. It feels what I'm feeling. Exhausted, I slumped to the ground and lay on my back. For one feverish moment, I felt like I was going to simply melt into the ground and become one with the earth. My hair would flow into an ocean, my legs would become trees, my body would be undulating mountains, and my fingers, branches…. I closed my eyes, letting my tears find a different way out…………coz I was adamant….

Stupid girl, I chided myself.
You're not going to melt, just like he's not coming back to you.
Stupid girl, you knew he'd break your heart.
I opened my eyes again, staring up at the relentless, pouring clouds.
"Stupid girl," I repeated, murmuring to myself.
Stupid girl, you knew this would happen.

Suddenly, I smiled. I leaned my head back and let the pouring rain wash away my tears. This would be the end of the broken girl. I finally had the strength to fix myself. I could now stand on my own and believe in no one but myself. I now knew who I was, and that was enough for me. A smile spread on my face as I tasted my last tears.

"Yes, I knew," I answered myself. "I know."

Dreamz..............

"….....I was sitting writing on my textbook, but the work did not progress; my thoughts were elsewhere.

I turned my chair to the fireplace and dozed. Again the atoms were gambolling before my eyes. This time the smaller groups kept modestly in the background. My mental eye, rendered more acute by the repeated visions of the kind, could now distinguish larger structures of manifold conformation; long rows sometimes more closely fitted together all twining and twisting in snake-like motion. I was in midst of some mazes. But look! What was that? One of the snakes had seized hold of its own tail, and the form whirled mockingly before my eyes. To what I referred to as the “bhool bhullaiya” of wall whirls…. ..by a flash of lightning I woke up; and this time also I spent the rest of the night in working out the consequences of the hypothesis I just saw….though half of it had elapsed from my nerve cords as I woke up…."


When you go to sleep, the chords of your mind detach themselves from this world and get attached with those of another world…you are unaware of the happenings around yourself… yet you feel you are conscious, but not in this world…in some other world… the dream world, the fantasy land, where sometimes you see beauty, adventure, fun and sometimes horrors and nightmares…
The most amazing feature of this new world is that… when you are in it…you don’t know that it’s unreal…everything seems more than real…
This reminds me the words of Morpheus in the Matrix:
“If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain”
And I like to believe this statement, because it vaguely tries to omit the demarcation between the real and the “dreams-not so real”…………but not entirely unreal…….

The wonderland of your own architecture, where you are the creator of boulders and fantasies…where our subtle hidden piece of mind comes into action….. may be beauty, may be adventure, may be fun or may be horrid…but whatever be it, it is your own creation…the only thing that I say –“the only uninfluenced thought of our mind”………….


Even if it is related to something that you experience in real life…..in your dreams you vent into it…….my dreams are mine……….they mature with me…. They have life , they grow with me,,from cinderellas and fantasies of childhood dreams….they have grown into dreams of dreaming big…., they evolve…..they contain emotions, mine or their own,,, I have no clue….. but they breathe….
And they breathe my soul, they reflect my minds state…..
Though you hardly remember tits and bits of it when you come back to the so called “real” self,,,, but still they tickle you…….make you flutter high.
Still wondering on the enigma that this word embodies……”Dreamzzzzz”……………….



P.s- pinch me. Am I still in a dream……or am I dreaming reality……….

Monday morning blues......

Or rather black and blue….in and out that makes me go --oooo belly booooooooo…
Eehh!!!!!


Pardon me with this weird start but cudn’t help it.. this is my Most Authentic reaction to my typically drowsy Monday mornings. 

7:30- startled by my cell phone shrieking at me…. Almost exhausted of being snoozed again and again and again….. as if it was about to kill me for doing that to it….(I would have been killed someday if my cell phone started to take my actions to it on its heart…. :P)
…OMG late again…….
Don’t panic, don’t panic…….you”ll manage……. You specialize in running late..I reassured my panicky self…….I reassure myself or insult myself I still don’t know, but whatever it is, --what I know is that it surely helps…….
8:45- my class starts.. Finance today…shit, he”ll not let me in……..cursed myself and dashed from my hostel to the learning centre. When you are running late even 100 metrs seem to be a lengthy affair and you don’t even know whom to curse..;)
Skipped breakfast, this was a tradition for me now…….
8:52- may I get in sir, (sheepish voice that barely managed to make its way through my vocal chords….. ironical to my usual very loud dominating voice call…… I felt meek )
What followed was a nasty stare that scanned me and ripped me through and that eye movement instructing me to get in…..
Went back and sat with my loyal group of friends who as always had reserved a seat for me on the usual backbenches.
8:55- I take out a notebook from my bag and stare at its cover. It’s a ‘ Photoshop disaster’ There is a picture of a vase with roses that are three times the size of the vase. The text reads ‘Time and tide waits for none’. What does that have to do with oversized flowers? Huhhhh!!!!
I shrugged…… wondering how come I noticed it today only, with half the notebook already scribbled.
My so very important thought was intervined with Neha punching me hard.. ‘Did the assignment? And prepared for the quiz? It’s today no………….
Devastated..
Y ISN’T THE GROUND BENEATH ME CRUMBLING…..
Damn I havn’t done it….I did this inner melodrama to pacify myself I guess……coz she wasn’t interested……
The proff. Talked a lot today, about ratios and cash flows that very flawlessly did flow off my head or out of it….. I dunno……coz to me they were like nuclear reactions in my Cerebellum……….or better stated “chemical locha tha kuch boss……..”
Working capital…. Cash flow , fund flow analysis… depreciation….yawwwwnnnn………………. I just got the last word.
10:00- half an hour more for break..yaaawwwnn again………. “I am pretty consistent in my performance” :P
I looked around, Megha – like the geek she is, was so engrossed in the lecture as if it’s some meditation class…. Rohit, was having a tough time concentrating but was still staring, I wondered if that helped.
I tried, and what I could do was stare and duck with eyes heavy. I made a quick decision, I should sleep for 2 mins.
Decision implemented.
My bliss was quickly interwiend by the proffesors hoarse roll call……
I stood up, blank…..”who ,me?”
Yes you….
What are the stakeholders interests in a company’s annual report?
OOO la la……………….stumped….
His stare seemed to penetrate my brain as if he himself is trying to get an answer for his question straight from my brain… I guess he understood that there was a major imbalance in my neurotic annual reports and is perfectly full of “suspense accounts”..
Answer my question…..
And I wanted to say so badly that” I am bored….. and that his moustache is so perfectly perpendicular to his nose and That I don’t know the answer”
I just managed to blurt out something though……..momentary prudence I call it to be……..some jargons ..in form of a bhelpuri mix that I definitely not understood..but I managed to blurt out……
And he nodded………….
Omg.he nodded…………… was I right….?
If yes..what did I speak……….someone tell me too please……..
I felt stupid again………..
10:30- break……….was like music to my starved ears………. Solace!! Got to know the real meaning in depth of this word ………….i guess I get it every Monday………

p.s: all stated facts, fiction….but not the blues :(

Dedicated to I only....

Statutory Warning: ..... not for people who:
1. hate the terminology "I"
2. hate "me" ;)
as what follows is an eye and mind torturing innumerable use of "I"!!!! (I,I,I,i.. I love I..... questions anyone..eeehhh!!!!!)
Its 1:28am and am not at all sleepy and hence came here to my only patient listner, my blog,,,,, yet another opportunity for self reminding actualization!!!
I have been tagged useless, aimless, feeling less, senseless, heartless, loveless, dreamless, emotionless........so many lesses, I wondered if there can be more of "less" in me.
No......... Naah.. Not at all....... I don't think I fit into any of the above categories, I know my worth, I know what can I achieve, I know what rock solid substance I am made up of, I know how to live, I know when to get up, even if I am late mostly :P
I know and I believe in love. Most importantly I love myself for what I am now, in spite of all odds.... Let me be I...
Surviving all these 20 critical years of constant critical and useless reminders by people, who don't care to oil there own machines and all unnamed worthless freaks have made me what I am today"......

Don't bother judging me please. I am absolutely fine, I love to talk, make friends, crave for choclates, irritate people

I know some people must be so willing to criticize me but I have this for u... RIP:D
Thats all for now.. plz comment, even if this MASTERPIECE called "I" meant crap to you!!
OH!! I so Love I ;)

p.s- i guess i have gone nuts, but tht how I am loving it to be today........

Freedom.......as i percieve it to be....

Its 12th August, 01:16 am (Indian standard time) and again, the same time of the nite and the same me... with the same feeling- "What do I do? "........ m not at all sleepy,.. i guess m adopting certain vampireish traits ;) or watching vampire diaries has begun taking a toll on me......:D

anyways..But what just struck me while writing the date was the approaching celebrated date-15th Aug. and the word "Indian standard time" ...subconciously though, filled me with a gush of pride. That today, unlike before "we" have our own standards even for a free flying bird like - "Time".


A proud feeling, isn't it? And with Independence Day coming by, I felt all the more strongly for it.
What I believe is .... there is one thing common about every man and women who has ever walked the face of earth. People, every where, in every culture and in every generation are basically the same in this respect.
It doesn't matter whether they lived in developed west, still developing east or in forgotten corners of Africa..... people all around the globe yearn for one thing,,,,
and that unannounced feeling is the feeling to be FREE..... the sense of FREEDOM....which is a yearn of every heart, the quest of human spirit.
So,.... on Independence Day unlike all politically correct definations pertaining to the Indian history, what I celebrate is the feeling of being "Free"... freedom to pertain, percieve all that you desire and crave for under the noble sky.
"Give me freedom or give me death" is a statement of intent that was engraved on the heart of every man long before Patrick Henry ever made it.


when I hear today , that women empowerment is taking lead, or norm laid to hike up literacy, people outcasting to say their hearts out.. freedom of press to express ( i just rhymed ;)) ..even an idle "stuff" like me, writing and bugging you all....
Each and evrything is all my perspective of freedom.. the way i define it..
When a person has this freedom ..when he can lay under the sky ( be it be the sky of west or east),,what matters is the unchecked, unprecedented flow of thoughts, that have the potential to BUILD, INNOVATE, GROW, HOLD RESPONSIBILITY, LEAD..........
That is what i call FREEDOM to be............

JAI HIND ....!!!


p.s- i dunno what made me write "this".......bear with me.. a mood swing i guess...... overpowered by dates i guess..........
t.c stay in good health...

wanna relive my lollypop days...........

From a curious little child,
To today a girl of twenty.....
i saw hw time has flown by
My wishes have changed,
n so r my aspirations n vision.......
But..
the thing tht still persists....is that I continue to dream.
The only difference is,
I don't want to be Cinderella,
I don't want to bathe my barbie dolls,
I don't see stars as magic balls anymore,
And now I know that there's no Wee Wiley Winky hidden in my house!

As time changed,
So did it change me.
hav grown in an all together different person..
the tiny winy statements of chuckle
hv evolved into statements of expected prudence..
pressure levels soaring high..
so is the temperament,
so much so envelops me now..
that the carefree attitude of my doll houses r gone..

The lollipop days have gone..
But the sweetness still remains...
And,
It still brings a smile to my face,
And sometimes I want to re-live the times
When I would stare at a balloon with my eyes open wide!
with no worries,,, just an innocent carefree smile....... :) :)

p.s- pardon the way i m acting lyk a kid all over, but cudnt help it... with teh pressure levels soaring high.. i just stole a moment of solace through this one... hope u all like it........n do chk the sketch......new one tht i made
n yupiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee
i cn post again... my bloger is responding now. loving it.. missed u blog.lol