Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Rain fell that night. Endless buckets of torrential, warm rain…….
The pavement smelled like summer….. I danced, spinning like the Tasmanian devil, my arms stretched, trying to reach the sky. Imagining it would be silky and rich to the touch.
I tipped my head back, but not closing my eyes as I let the drops wash my soul away. My denim shorts clung to me, my paper-thin t-shirt sticking to my back. The raindrops quivered on my eyelashes, nose, and hair. I licked my dry lips and tasted salty tears.
I realized I was crying. …..Thunder cracked and my shoulders shook. Lightning split the clouds, violently beautiful and I felt my tears mingling with the rain.
The sky is crying with me, I thought deliriously. It feels what I'm feeling. Exhausted, I slumped to the ground and lay on my back. For one feverish moment, I felt like I was going to simply melt into the ground and become one with the earth. My hair would flow into an ocean, my legs would become trees, my body would be undulating mountains, and my fingers, branches…. I closed my eyes, letting my tears find a different way out…………coz I was adamant….
Stupid girl, I chided myself.
You're not going to melt, just like he's not coming back to you.
Stupid girl, you knew he'd break your heart.
I opened my eyes again, staring up at the relentless, pouring clouds.
"Stupid girl," I repeated, murmuring to myself.
Stupid girl, you knew this would happen.
Suddenly, I smiled. I leaned my head back and let the pouring rain wash away my tears. This would be the end of the broken girl. I finally had the strength to fix myself. I could now stand on my own and believe in no one but myself. I now knew who I was, and that was enough for me. A smile spread on my face as I tasted my last tears.
"Yes, I knew," I answered myself. "I know."