Sneakers and stiletto’s…….

Episode one:

I still had an hour to check-in,...
and beaming with joy as I was in the excitement to go back home……. I ended up feeling hungry.
I had heard that the adrenalin hormone level shoot up in anxiety, or interestingly, just after 'sex' :P, but the hunger hormones shooting up cause of happiness..... as it was in my case, was a rare finding that scientists have not yet found out. And how can they possibly find out…. with such an interesting specimen in my form that they still havn’t been able to lay their hands upon.

Duh!! I shrugged at my so very lame thought, in fact an unnecessary demeaning thought....

Sometimes my brain’s neurotic inhibitions and the chemical locha goes so intense that I start coming out with these kinda unnecessary idiotic somethings…
Oh my god!!!…I started it again………..
Anyways, with the bombardments of thoughts on- me being that special specimen still going on… I proceeded towards Cafe Coffee Day…...

After I finished giving a sumptuous order of a big whole chicken salad sandwich and choco truffle and that wave of contentment flashing in and out of me of being able to satisfy my ‘hunger’ :P, as I turned…bang(used this word coz I didn’t know how to say –that I felt regret, shame, embaressment, love, joy, attractions and scintillations at the same time…..so….”bang”)

So, ya…………where was I ?……….


Ya………….bang!!!! and I felt all this coz I saw the most handsome mirror cracking sexy “commodity” kinda guy standing just besides me.

And he smiled….gossshhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..he smiled!!!!
I felt weak in my knees.

In a second, shutting up the butterflies in my stomach I felt quizitive…did he hear the elaborate order I just made?…. Fuck….
And with the troofle and sandwiches that he might have pictured me with…..blottring from my mouth, those butterflies meant all the more worth mentioning as now I potrayed that they belonged to a huge stomach. In my case –“butterflies in my stomach”…could now be rephrased for this moment as “butterflies in my huge, so very hungry troofle filled stomach”…..
Shit… cudn’t I wait..y was I hungry…what he might be thinking.

I was subconsciously though….was standing now as if trying to cover my non existing virtual flab…..
that I had just put on by just placing the order. I wanted to tell him….dude..actually we are two who’ll be having it….which wasn’t the case.

Shit….what m I up to…m I trying to hit on him…?????????I recalled my inner self……
N came the reply..girlie….trying????????? u R hitting on him…lyk a nonsense jerk…!!!
For once can this inner self of mine just mind its own business and shut up .. I didn’t need an answer. and y shudn’t I hit on him. He was cute…”and m trying to hide my grin in saying cute when evn u no wat I mean…:P

Dealing with this seemingly long but a minute made inner melodrama of mine, I came and sat just opposite to him.. far enough but keeping in mind to keep him in sight, trying every now and then to sneak a glance at him. His sipping coffee, those bread crumbs brusing and brushing his cute pout… After a couple of minutes I guessed he noticed me showering ‘some’ spcl attention on him, coz I noticed him glancing too.
What r u doing…..Riya…now shut the fuck up and don’t do it. My “self” tried to take a control over my naughty self now.
Oh!!...By the way..i forgot to introduce myself, I m Riya Talwar…. And for some secret reasons, highly secretive to the beholder too….”I love my surname”……in fact I would have loved it even more If it would have been “Riya chaaku ki dhaar”……lol……”chaaku ki dhaar” may be coz it says all about me.

Anyways……

I realised and tried to divert my attention in my so very hot truffle and my laptop. Eureka..i had an enlightenment …….no matter how many guilt pangs you get about the calories.....there is nothing more heavenly than hot chocolate melting in your mouth smoothening the taste buds…………..aaahhh!!!! lip smacking….
Not even a minute or two later, while I was enjoying taking in calories…..my chocolate journey to heaven was interrupted by a voice..all hoarse …”if you don’t mind can I sit here? That side is way too crowded and I m not able to concentrate on my book”……….i looked up…………
He was standing in front of me….
I froze for a second!!!

“If you don’t mind????????????"

If you don’t mind???????????????????????????????????

Are you crazy?? Jerk……why would I mind..m like this happiest soul on earth today…sit…quick….!!!

…………………..
…….
…
With all this in my mind I waved him a polite hand gesturing him to take a seat and smiled my best smile.
When I say “my best smile”…..it means that from the wardrobe full of smiles I have for every occasion, I took out my best dressed smile,,, the one I look grt in…..(grin)….confused???? I told u…...i m a specimen!!!!
Anyways….he sat rite in front of me, I felt conscious …n the butterflies kept coming back to me….

Hi m Nirbhik…he extended a hand………..
I paused…. A short one but I did…as if I forgot my own name…n felt a lump in my throat when I felt the firm hand shake….
I somehow managed to squeak out though….
Hello… m Riya…
“A lot can happen over coffee”…….CCD’s famous tagline was so much meaningful today……….
And after an initial turbulence though….. the conversation took a smooth tide..
Nirbhik was a software engineer working with IBM

Butterflies in my stomach....!!!! looking at u from a distance....

Looking at you from a distance,
Your hands inside your jeans pocket
With a bag-pack hanging loose behind.

I hide and settle down my hair,
Then I come out to find you smiling at me.
Your messy hair falls on your face,
And slowly you slide your hands around me!!

I've never had such a feeling,
Never felt as safe as when I am with you.
Just those three words from your mouth
Makes my heart melt...
Oh! I feel so warm and true

Those silly games we play with our fingers.
Those serious talks we have with our heads close,
Those idiotic little fights, that are so very clumsy though...
u pulling my leg....
ya..all that..
did u ever notice that????

did u ever notice the way I look at you?

have you ever noticed me blushing when you smile at me?

Have you ever noticed how quite I go when we're all alone?
Have you seen that shine in my eyes when you look at me?

Have you ever noticed how I always try to look good when you're there?
Have you ever seen how upset I get when you leave?

There are so many such feelings I have for you,
But how to express them, that I don't know!


...That
When I'm not with you
I feel so lost and incomplete.
Just want you to hold me close,
Just want to be with you......



p.s - work of fiction...so frnds , don't poke in me for details.....m very much normal...just honing my writing n imagination...lol
good night, peace....
I had a great weekend. :) :)

SHE.........This time through "HIS" eyes......

He couldn't focus. He couldn't move. All he could do was think about her, her perfect face, her bubbly spark that could make him smile in any situation. Her deep care for everyone whom she loved, and worst of all, he couldn't stop thinking about why had she left. He thought about every silly reason, and he asked everyone who was close to her, they wouldn't tell him, even though he knew they were troubled by it as well. He knew she was strong, and his aching heart, missing the touch of her compassion, the feel of her fingers when she touched him. Deep within him, he was wishing that she was doing okay, that she was still alive and well. That she would come back. But...

Wishes were not enough...

He thought back to the times they had spent together, with others and alone together. He thought to the times when he would lay in her lap and they would watch clouds together, or when they would walk together in the park with his dogs, Tiger and Scissors. Or, the time when she healed his knee after he had tripped, the concerned look on her face burning through his mind. It was so vivid that for a moment he thought she was there, and moved his hand to touch the spot she had healed him, feeling his blood throbbing under the skin. it was almost like her warm hand was between his hand and knee. This illusion was only a replay of his memories. And...

Memories were not enough...


His heart burned in his chest, a strong pain ran through his veins as he felt his eyes sting. 'No,' he thought, 'I won't let myself cry. That's not who I am. I have faith in her return. She will come back, I know it.' Tears were in his eyes, and it was against the strong view everyone had of him. He quickly shut his eyes tightly, as if it were going to prevent them from coming out, but he knew it was useless. He opened his eyes as he felt the warm liquid slide down his emotionless face. He pulled his knees into his chest, losing the want to act as if her absence didn't affect him, when, in fact, it hurt him most. He hoped with all of his dying heart that she was okay, that she wasn't facing the same pain as his heart pounded intensely in his chest. He hoped she missed him as much as he missed her, or that she at least remembered the love he had for her and how he would give his life just to see her one last time. But...

Hopes were not enough...


He sat on the top most branch of the tree, looking out towards the moon. He knew it was radiant, but the glow of its light would never shine as bright as she did in his eyes.His eyelids were heavy with sleep, and his eyes pained from crying, as he had been since that afternoon. But he wouldn't dare close them, because in the back of his mind, he knew that he would drift off to sleep, and all he would see is her, all he dream was of the past, of the future, of her. And...

Dreams were not enough...


He looked up at the clouds slowly drifting across the sky, and thought of their speed as his life without love, warmth, emotion, happiness, reason, life without her. He thought back to how he was before he met her. To the dark, detached look he had in his eyes. His distant thoughts that were stuck on ways to avoid the world, as the door of his classroom had opened that faithful day, and she had stepped in to the room, into his world. She sat next to him that day, and it was then that she told him of what she saw moments ago: His lifeless eyes had animated like a child when it gets a great surprise. He never forgot when he ran to the bathroom and peered cautiously into the mirror immediately after, astonished with what he saw. His usually dull eyes and pale face were lit up ever so slightly, and he didn't notice it at first, but realized that his cheeks weren't pasty, but faintly pink, as if...A BLUSH!?!

His emotionless look was gone. He couldn't look at her again, couldn't think about her without the fear of her, or anyone for that matter, seeing his emotions brimming over the top, and pouring onto his face. It was when he was running home, leaving her and the school, embarrassed of his actions, that she stopped him in the street, and pulled into the forest. 'Hey... Hello? Are you alive?' He remembers her quiet voice hinted concern as she waved her hand in front of his motionless body. His eyes were squared on her face, as she tried to pull him out of his daze. "Are you okay? Hello? Your face is turning all red... are you getting a fever? Are you going to attack me? Please don't, I'm going to end up hurting you a lot more than you might think.." The last sentence pulling him into the moment. He heard the plead in her voice, saw the worry in her eyes, and watched her step back, releasing the hold she had on his wrist. He was, for once, actually afraid of the threat, coming from her. She was only 11, and he was 13, and those words were full of concern, and as she noticed the fear in his eyes, he closed them, praying she wouldn't attack. And that was when he felt two thin arms wrap around his chest from behind. His eyes flew open and she was gone from her stance in front of him, but he knew she was behind him, and she leaned up to his ear and whispered gently...

Don't fear...

He leaned back against the trunk of the tree, watching the moon duck in and out of the silky deep lilac clouds that clearly contrasted the deep violet sky that peeped once in a while from the clouds. The hills were blue-grey in the distance, and on a cliff a little off to his right, a waterfall gleamed brilliantly. For a normal person, this view would have been enough, but to him, it meant nothing, because to him...

Only she was enough…….

p.s- my first post on “her”.through “his” eyes……pardon me with the gender switch….

Full fledged Crap.......!!!

Stop and stare.
I want to write something.
Anything.
And so I shall.
Write anything.
I always write 'anything'
But today I'll really write anything.
See? You see where this is going?
This is so meaningless.
Why am I even continuing?
But you're still reading. So good.
It's raining heavily outside. Bike ride. I want.

Yesterday was a total waste. Stuck in traffic for 2 hours. Bum aching. By the time I reached home, I was drenched. Muddy feet. Hair wet (:O). But I was absolutely fine. No throwing my moods around, whatsoever.
Some progress? :)
Hell yeah.

There's so much happening, in and around but I dont seem to be able to write it out. Writer's block?
Again?
How nice.

3 days since I last posted.
Missed me? hehe

I missed you, you ..you and you
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh

Days are going good :)
And I'm just watching them go by.
It's like my insides are screaming out to someone out there who's job is to throw shit at me ..they're like, try and move me baby, this feeling's not going anywhere ;)

Love happened...

pulkit, prek, trish, ishi , b@kra.... :( :( :(

I am in desperate need of someone to hold me.

I want my best friends around me now, without asking me questions. I need someone by my side to tell me it's going to be alright.
I hate giving explanations….. I need someone who reads my eyes and understands with out the need of any communication. I dont want to attend any phone calls or reply to any msgs. I really can make out which msg full of 'take care's is genuine and which one is not. I can make out which 'hug' is real and which one has been given only to stay in my good books. Why do you guys bother yourself so much?

I need someone to have faith in me, to tell me Taniya, I know you are the best girl in this world.
I desperately need somebody's trust in me…..someone's high expectations from me.
I need someone to tell me it is not too late you can still go back to where you where…. you can still be the girl people used to look upto. You can still get back to your old ways and means. I miss my school yaar…. I miss my teachers. I miss Zutshi mam who used to scold me when I used to score 98 on 100 in history…. I want that level of faith back. I miss pulkit, trish, prek, ishi, b@kra. I want you people around me yaar…… I want to feel alive again! Damn I miss prek n trishu so fucking much. I miss our bitching.. I miss pullu n b@kra’s non stop pulling my leg so muchso much!

The biggest regret I have right now is turning too extrovert with people. Wrong Wrong Wrong. Damn. Its all wrong. My conscious kept pinching me each time..why did I ignore all that!
I should have never opened up so much….... dnt u c.even i get hurt.......

I miss the old me. I felt good to be the innocent one..the decent one..the nerdy one…the crazy one….the sincere one..the focussed one. :(

Dont ping me on gmail/facebook/phone to ask me whats wrong. Jo hai upar likh diya aur kuch nahi bolne ko.
Now feeling lite.thnx blog……………

Being 21.......Happy birthday to me..

hiii...m 21 ...
dedicating one day on my place for me.....
10 things i know today:

1. I love love love that the sun has been out since the last two days...n i m basking in it again....
2. I still think that , xyz guy is damn cute.....(cn't name the person here.lol)
3. I m self obsessed and just love taking my pictures....
4. Initially i ws sad for leaving my hometown and coming here but with the warmth that i m adorning here...I feel i am blessed...with exam the next dy too they made me feel so spcl about my spcl day.
5. just got a mail.exams postponed..yuppppiiieeeeeeeeeee...............babaji tussi grtt ho...hun main aish karangi...blog u r so lucky...
6.Money wooshes in and out of my wallet too quickly
7. I like my hair long but when its hot i wish they were short.
8. choc. is still one of my fav. things to eat.
9. being 21 is super cool.i feel sexier all the more.lol
10. And got this lovely dedication of this poem for my birthday in the middle of
night.... kudos to u dear... love ya for the poem... one of the best wishes i got yesterday. :)
here it goes..
"Happy Birthday, Special Treasure

God gave a gift to the world when you were born—
a person who loves, who cares,
who sees a person’s need and fills it,
who encourages and lifts people up,
who spends energy on others
rather than herself,
someone who touches each life she enters,
and makes a difference in the world,
because ripples of kindness flow outward
as each person you have touched, touches others.
Your birthday deserves to be a national holiday,
because you are a special treasure
for all that you’ve done.
May the love you have shown to others
return to you, multiplied.
I wish you the happiest of birthdays,
and many, many more,
so that others have time to appreciate you
as much as I do."

p.s- i have this super cool feeling... flaunting my new Puma bag that ws a total surprise... thnx a lot for the gyft frnds. love ya too......n ya. m lvng the feeling of adorning the crown of "21"..... tht sounds so so so very cool...........

Singing my tunes.....from Dawn to Dusk!!!

I want to Set my own tunes and sway to my own melodies....

I want to dance my OWN dance;
Dance the whole night through…..
Until dawn!!
Watch the sun…saying….. “present taniya(rowdy)”….
Announcing the beginning of a new day….

Rejoicing in the mystery of it...
I want to grab a hold of life,
Make a handle to it…
As if it were a tree
In full bloom;

Shake it a bit,
Letting the blossoms
Fall upon my head;
Feeling their silkiness
Caress my face.

Feel the earth beneath, My bare feet…..
swoosh in and out like the free form waves
The undulating mountains of ups and downs that life
Presents;
the adventures, the
Sorrows, the joys…….
ALL OF IT
I want to embrace it all.
I want to live my life with no regrets
Leaving no stone unturned.
Yes, I want to sing my own tunes,
With a heart full of joy

Experience the woods ablaze with
The mosaic of the reds and the golds of Autumn,
And the breath-taking serenity of the dusky sun......Slipping below the horizon.
I want to bask in the afterglow
Until the last sigh….!!!!!!


p.s- clicked the above picture of mine.....purposely for bright dawn and shady dusk.......let me know hows it?

Stupid girl!!!!!

Rain fell that night. Endless buckets of torrential, warm rain…….


The pavement smelled like summer….. I danced, spinning like the Tasmanian devil, my arms stretched, trying to reach the sky. Imagining it would be silky and rich to the touch.



I tipped my head back, but not closing my eyes as I let the drops wash my soul away. My denim shorts clung to me, my paper-thin t-shirt sticking to my back. The raindrops quivered on my eyelashes, nose, and hair. I licked my dry lips and tasted salty tears.

I realized I was crying. …..Thunder cracked and my shoulders shook. Lightning split the clouds, violently beautiful and I felt my tears mingling with the rain.

The sky is crying with me, I thought deliriously. It feels what I'm feeling. Exhausted, I slumped to the ground and lay on my back. For one feverish moment, I felt like I was going to simply melt into the ground and become one with the earth. My hair would flow into an ocean, my legs would become trees, my body would be undulating mountains, and my fingers, branches…. I closed my eyes, letting my tears find a different way out…………coz I was adamant….

Stupid girl, I chided myself.
You're not going to melt, just like he's not coming back to you.
Stupid girl, you knew he'd break your heart.
I opened my eyes again, staring up at the relentless, pouring clouds.
"Stupid girl," I repeated, murmuring to myself.
Stupid girl, you knew this would happen.

Suddenly, I smiled. I leaned my head back and let the pouring rain wash away my tears. This would be the end of the broken girl. I finally had the strength to fix myself. I could now stand on my own and believe in no one but myself. I now knew who I was, and that was enough for me. A smile spread on my face as I tasted my last tears.

"Yes, I knew," I answered myself. "I know."

Dreamz..............

"….....I was sitting writing on my textbook, but the work did not progress; my thoughts were elsewhere.

I turned my chair to the fireplace and dozed. Again the atoms were gambolling before my eyes. This time the smaller groups kept modestly in the background. My mental eye, rendered more acute by the repeated visions of the kind, could now distinguish larger structures of manifold conformation; long rows sometimes more closely fitted together all twining and twisting in snake-like motion. I was in midst of some mazes. But look! What was that? One of the snakes had seized hold of its own tail, and the form whirled mockingly before my eyes. To what I referred to as the “bhool bhullaiya” of wall whirls…. ..by a flash of lightning I woke up; and this time also I spent the rest of the night in working out the consequences of the hypothesis I just saw….though half of it had elapsed from my nerve cords as I woke up…."


When you go to sleep, the chords of your mind detach themselves from this world and get attached with those of another world…you are unaware of the happenings around yourself… yet you feel you are conscious, but not in this world…in some other world… the dream world, the fantasy land, where sometimes you see beauty, adventure, fun and sometimes horrors and nightmares…
The most amazing feature of this new world is that… when you are in it…you don’t know that it’s unreal…everything seems more than real…
This reminds me the words of Morpheus in the Matrix:
“If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain”
And I like to believe this statement, because it vaguely tries to omit the demarcation between the real and the “dreams-not so real”…………but not entirely unreal…….

The wonderland of your own architecture, where you are the creator of boulders and fantasies…where our subtle hidden piece of mind comes into action….. may be beauty, may be adventure, may be fun or may be horrid…but whatever be it, it is your own creation…the only thing that I say –“the only uninfluenced thought of our mind”………….


Even if it is related to something that you experience in real life…..in your dreams you vent into it…….my dreams are mine……….they mature with me…. They have life , they grow with me,,from cinderellas and fantasies of childhood dreams….they have grown into dreams of dreaming big…., they evolve…..they contain emotions, mine or their own,,, I have no clue….. but they breathe….
And they breathe my soul, they reflect my minds state…..
Though you hardly remember tits and bits of it when you come back to the so called “real” self,,,, but still they tickle you…….make you flutter high.
Still wondering on the enigma that this word embodies……”Dreamzzzzz”……………….



P.s- pinch me. Am I still in a dream……or am I dreaming reality……….

Monday morning blues......

Or rather black and blue….in and out that makes me go --oooo belly booooooooo…
Eehh!!!!!


Pardon me with this weird start but cudn’t help it.. this is my Most Authentic reaction to my typically drowsy Monday mornings. 

7:30- startled by my cell phone shrieking at me…. Almost exhausted of being snoozed again and again and again….. as if it was about to kill me for doing that to it….(I would have been killed someday if my cell phone started to take my actions to it on its heart…. :P)
…OMG late again…….
Don’t panic, don’t panic…….you”ll manage……. You specialize in running late..I reassured my panicky self…….I reassure myself or insult myself I still don’t know, but whatever it is, --what I know is that it surely helps…….
8:45- my class starts.. Finance today…shit, he”ll not let me in……..cursed myself and dashed from my hostel to the learning centre. When you are running late even 100 metrs seem to be a lengthy affair and you don’t even know whom to curse..;)
Skipped breakfast, this was a tradition for me now…….
8:52- may I get in sir, (sheepish voice that barely managed to make its way through my vocal chords….. ironical to my usual very loud dominating voice call…… I felt meek )
What followed was a nasty stare that scanned me and ripped me through and that eye movement instructing me to get in…..
Went back and sat with my loyal group of friends who as always had reserved a seat for me on the usual backbenches.
8:55- I take out a notebook from my bag and stare at its cover. It’s a ‘ Photoshop disaster’ There is a picture of a vase with roses that are three times the size of the vase. The text reads ‘Time and tide waits for none’. What does that have to do with oversized flowers? Huhhhh!!!!
I shrugged…… wondering how come I noticed it today only, with half the notebook already scribbled.
My so very important thought was intervined with Neha punching me hard.. ‘Did the assignment? And prepared for the quiz? It’s today no………….
Devastated..
Y ISN’T THE GROUND BENEATH ME CRUMBLING…..
Damn I havn’t done it….I did this inner melodrama to pacify myself I guess……coz she wasn’t interested……
The proff. Talked a lot today, about ratios and cash flows that very flawlessly did flow off my head or out of it….. I dunno……coz to me they were like nuclear reactions in my Cerebellum……….or better stated “chemical locha tha kuch boss……..”
Working capital…. Cash flow , fund flow analysis… depreciation….yawwwwnnnn………………. I just got the last word.
10:00- half an hour more for break..yaaawwwnn again………. “I am pretty consistent in my performance” :P
I looked around, Megha – like the geek she is, was so engrossed in the lecture as if it’s some meditation class…. Rohit, was having a tough time concentrating but was still staring, I wondered if that helped.
I tried, and what I could do was stare and duck with eyes heavy. I made a quick decision, I should sleep for 2 mins.
Decision implemented.
My bliss was quickly interwiend by the proffesors hoarse roll call……
I stood up, blank…..”who ,me?”
Yes you….
What are the stakeholders interests in a company’s annual report?
OOO la la……………….stumped….
His stare seemed to penetrate my brain as if he himself is trying to get an answer for his question straight from my brain… I guess he understood that there was a major imbalance in my neurotic annual reports and is perfectly full of “suspense accounts”..
Answer my question…..
And I wanted to say so badly that” I am bored….. and that his moustache is so perfectly perpendicular to his nose and That I don’t know the answer”
I just managed to blurt out something though……..momentary prudence I call it to be……..some jargons ..in form of a bhelpuri mix that I definitely not understood..but I managed to blurt out……
And he nodded………….
Omg.he nodded…………… was I right….?
If yes..what did I speak……….someone tell me too please……..
I felt stupid again………..
10:30- break……….was like music to my starved ears………. Solace!! Got to know the real meaning in depth of this word ………….i guess I get it every Monday………

p.s: all stated facts, fiction….but not the blues :(

Dedicated to I only....

Statutory Warning: ..... not for people who:
1. hate the terminology "I"
2. hate "me" ;)
as what follows is an eye and mind torturing innumerable use of "I"!!!! (I,I,I,i.. I love I..... questions anyone..eeehhh!!!!!)
Its 1:28am and am not at all sleepy and hence came here to my only patient listner, my blog,,,,, yet another opportunity for self reminding actualization!!!
I have been tagged useless, aimless, feeling less, senseless, heartless, loveless, dreamless, emotionless........so many lesses, I wondered if there can be more of "less" in me.
No......... Naah.. Not at all....... I don't think I fit into any of the above categories, I know my worth, I know what can I achieve, I know what rock solid substance I am made up of, I know how to live, I know when to get up, even if I am late mostly :P
I know and I believe in love. Most importantly I love myself for what I am now, in spite of all odds.... Let me be I...
Surviving all these 20 critical years of constant critical and useless reminders by people, who don't care to oil there own machines and all unnamed worthless freaks have made me what I am today"......

Don't bother judging me please. I am absolutely fine, I love to talk, make friends, crave for choclates, irritate people

I know some people must be so willing to criticize me but I have this for u... RIP:D
Thats all for now.. plz comment, even if this MASTERPIECE called "I" meant crap to you!!
OH!! I so Love I ;)

p.s- i guess i have gone nuts, but tht how I am loving it to be today........

Freedom.......as i percieve it to be....

Its 12th August, 01:16 am (Indian standard time) and again, the same time of the nite and the same me... with the same feeling- "What do I do? "........ m not at all sleepy,.. i guess m adopting certain vampireish traits ;) or watching vampire diaries has begun taking a toll on me......:D

anyways..But what just struck me while writing the date was the approaching celebrated date-15th Aug. and the word "Indian standard time" ...subconciously though, filled me with a gush of pride. That today, unlike before "we" have our own standards even for a free flying bird like - "Time".


A proud feeling, isn't it? And with Independence Day coming by, I felt all the more strongly for it.
What I believe is .... there is one thing common about every man and women who has ever walked the face of earth. People, every where, in every culture and in every generation are basically the same in this respect.
It doesn't matter whether they lived in developed west, still developing east or in forgotten corners of Africa..... people all around the globe yearn for one thing,,,,
and that unannounced feeling is the feeling to be FREE..... the sense of FREEDOM....which is a yearn of every heart, the quest of human spirit.
So,.... on Independence Day unlike all politically correct definations pertaining to the Indian history, what I celebrate is the feeling of being "Free"... freedom to pertain, percieve all that you desire and crave for under the noble sky.
"Give me freedom or give me death" is a statement of intent that was engraved on the heart of every man long before Patrick Henry ever made it.


when I hear today , that women empowerment is taking lead, or norm laid to hike up literacy, people outcasting to say their hearts out.. freedom of press to express ( i just rhymed ;)) ..even an idle "stuff" like me, writing and bugging you all....
Each and evrything is all my perspective of freedom.. the way i define it..
When a person has this freedom ..when he can lay under the sky ( be it be the sky of west or east),,what matters is the unchecked, unprecedented flow of thoughts, that have the potential to BUILD, INNOVATE, GROW, HOLD RESPONSIBILITY, LEAD..........
That is what i call FREEDOM to be............

JAI HIND ....!!!


p.s- i dunno what made me write "this".......bear with me.. a mood swing i guess...... overpowered by dates i guess..........
t.c stay in good health...

wanna relive my lollypop days...........

From a curious little child,
To today a girl of twenty.....
i saw hw time has flown by
My wishes have changed,
n so r my aspirations n vision.......
But..
the thing tht still persists....is that I continue to dream.
The only difference is,
I don't want to be Cinderella,
I don't want to bathe my barbie dolls,
I don't see stars as magic balls anymore,
And now I know that there's no Wee Wiley Winky hidden in my house!

As time changed,
So did it change me.
hav grown in an all together different person..
the tiny winy statements of chuckle
hv evolved into statements of expected prudence..
pressure levels soaring high..
so is the temperament,
so much so envelops me now..
that the carefree attitude of my doll houses r gone..

The lollipop days have gone..
But the sweetness still remains...
And,
It still brings a smile to my face,
And sometimes I want to re-live the times
When I would stare at a balloon with my eyes open wide!
with no worries,,, just an innocent carefree smile....... :) :)

p.s- pardon the way i m acting lyk a kid all over, but cudnt help it... with teh pressure levels soaring high.. i just stole a moment of solace through this one... hope u all like it........n do chk the sketch......new one tht i made
n yupiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee
i cn post again... my bloger is responding now. loving it.. missed u blog.lol

All i need is --My Lone star... *

ohhki, the beast is out again, with its imagination goin loose...so here i go......




With my ear plugs in my ears, I was standing at my terrace on a winter night.
As the wind blew, I felt cold.
But I still stood thr.... bare feet,
Feeling the chill strike me hard…
It was so strong, I could almost feel it deep in my heart.

It was all dark ...
The moon was half hidden behind a cloud. peeping at me and asking obvious questions-y r u out grl wen the wrld's sleeping???

but I was busy staring at the single star out in the sky.
While all the others were hidden,
Not showing their light.

This little thing was brave, It was out in the cold….... Maybe it was scared, but it was still out-" Showing some hope".
I tapped my fingers as the music played, I did hug my knees and cuddled up in the corner. I heard the clock struck two, But my heart expresed no notion of going inside
"In the warm".

I sat in the corner,
And gaped at that star.

My body was numb
But my heart,,,,,, Wanted to be a companion to that brave thing, that was out there in the freezing cold .

I wanted to be with that star,
Because I knew what it was like
When you have to stand alone…
When everybody leaves you and goes into the warm..........


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sometimes....all u c is tht "lone star".the star of hope...
wen u r thru a dark tunnel...all u need is not any torch bt just that feeble- flickering and faint star of urs, and that star is the person tht stands by u wen u need someone to hold on to u the most.wen everyone else has gone in the cozy habitats.


p.s-wrote this winter nite imagination on a hot summer nite but my lone star is not bounded by seasons.
it just stands alone.wen evryone else goes in to thr cozy habitats, n it still stands thr undithred,.... to gv hope.
dedicated to all the people who hav - no matter what , hav always stood by me..thru my thick n thins....blessd to hv u....
love yaa....
wud post soon.n yes had an amazing day out ..loads f thngs came up ovr a brunch of sandwitch....wish i cud hav freezd the moment........
t.c stay in good health.

THE MOST WONDERFUL THING ABT LIFE IS ITS TERMINATION

Suicidal title isn’t it? What do you feel about it? Most certainly this statement is a manifestation of the thousand losses of a ‘born-loser’…

Before I get going in my business of expressing views on yet another weird post of mine, I would certainly want you to ponder over on what life means to you! That is the only way we all can connect to something which might seem ‘not worth discussing’……
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a few days ago, i ws googling certain thoughts n quotes on 'life'(i possess this strange habit f googling strange thngs. . Lol) n thr i came across this statement. . . . N trust me this statement did put me in a fix!.

the moment i read this line, thoughts started squarming my mind shell on as to what life is, how important is it to live and face the challenges (which they said is the most wonderful thing!). After all wat i had always believed is that the beauty of life lies in the ''life'' attached to a lively life ., , I thought that the line about the beauty f termination of life is a pessimistic one and only a loser will utter such a statement!

Thinking this i ws abt to shut down my computer n while clicking on the button ''shut down'' , , i stopped for a while, , , (what if the thngs tht r running, never shut down?, wat if a running task never winds up? Being a person f programming field i realise the ‘END PROGRAM’ command of any computer program and it’s significance.

All this while I now knew that I will be the only one who will like a ‘loser’ support this statement!

To redirect myself on the statement i thoight about the time-frame of life.

Well the flowers (flora-lovers take note!) many of them live for a day. They blossom and die. Just like that! The best thing about them is definitely the fact that they die in their prime without letting anyone know how it looks a few moments before it’s death!

What about the projects? Isn’t the ending of any project the most wonderful thing? That yaa, , ,finally the burden's over n its completed (i guess the engginers wud agree)

So isn’t death which redefines the fact that we are after all "humans"! We all know death is inevitable so why don’t we stand up and say that it is what makes us complete! If you are a believer in life after death you’ll be so happy to be relieved of all this worldly sins and who knows Peter might call your name!

And don’t we all believe that ‘we live in deeds and not in years'

And how about our beloved Micheal Jackson ? The moment the man (?) dies Wikipedia crashes, the media goes in a tizzy and why? Definitely not to tell us about his child abuse history but how great he was! Trust me if MJ is reading this he would be winking and agreeing that there couldn’t be a wonderful thing as death simply because he is reverD more nw after his death .. .

the most relevant example I could give was of this nuisance called ‘love’ which happens (‘keeps happening’ for some but not me!). So isn’t ending this the most wonderful thing you can do when you know you can’t sustain it, when you know probably he/she is much better off without you? If you believe that this is actually love and it’s not working, without a shadow of doubt termination will be ‘the most wonderful thing’ (Yah, You might be called names like ‘martyr’! But back yourself!)

;) ;) pun intended.

(I ALSO THOUGHT OF LINKING THIS ONE WITH THE BIRD "PHOENIX"-A BIRD WHICH LIVES FOR ABOUT 500 YEARS BEFORE DYING AND RISING AGAIN FROM ITS ASHES........ THOUGH FICTIOUS BUT TRUELY DEFINES THE BEAUTY OF A martyr

so cn i now say tht yaa somewhere down my ficke mind ;) i do believe in the beauty of termination of lyf. .. . .

Coz tht makes me n u complete.



p.s- unlike the usual ones this post came down quite haevy on my head too.had to ponder a lot... whole lot of an inside out, topsy turvy came out........ wud look forward to inputs frm u all.........
kep smiling, love u all.....

n ya.....i made that sketch,do tell me hows it.....

Imperfect me...........!!!!

Imperfections.............
Flaws...................................

Throwing my idle self on the couch today was trying to figure out these highly negative words....and I didn't have to ponder for long, just looked up and saw myself, my own reflection in the mirror, and Yaaaaaaaa.....that, was my answer..
"The Imperfect Mee!!!! "
But does that mean that I don't adore me????

I am not a perfect girl,
my hair doesn't always stay in place.
I don't have that mirror cracking personna and at times carry myself in an annoyingly clumsy way.
I spil things a lot,
I act dumb at times and sometimes do have a broken heart...
My friends and i sometimes fight,
and may be somedays nothing goes right....
I act stubborn and stand strong,
but there are times when i need someone to just - hold me on!!!!

But when I think about it and take a step back I realize how amazing life is and may be just may be i like being imperfect.
This highly -ve word is so much so +ve and full of life for me, with all the imperfections.
I am my dad's 'joker' and my mum calls me 'nanni' , and all my idiotic behaviour gets me a peck on my cheek from my sister after she's tired of grumbling at me,,, Oh!!! i so love u sis...
My loved one calls me 'dumbo' and 'bhullakad' and much more crazy stuff.....but then there are times when i am "the brave girl".. :)
What i now know is that I don't wanna be perfect as that is what makes me - ME!!!!
And my friends love me,, my family adores me and that is what matters and my life is tooooooooo beautiful being - THE IMPERFECT ME !!!!..
AND yaaaaaaaa............... THAT IS WHAT MAKES ME ME!!!!!.......



p.s- dedicated to all the lovely adorable people around me....tht have jeweled the simple Imperfect garland of my life,n made it precious for me.........
love you all..mmmuaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

t.c........stay in good health, would post soon.........n yaa.its raining again.n m loving it... :) :)

-regards

Drenchd in the first shower of the season . . . . .. .

Hiering the copywrites frm 'mc donald's to say . . .''m loving it'' ... . . ;) ;)
Lol
Finally some solace to quench the thirst of the weary soul n soaring temperatures. .. . . . First shower of the season ws like a much awaited guest tht came in without a knock or a shudder. . . .bt with all pleasant surprises. . ..standing on my roof top, gettng all drenched, with the rain drops embracng me n the whisltle of the breeze . . .swaying in harmony with my hair curls. . .. .loved it all . ..
Felt as if the monsoon is playing seduction games with me.. . .n the tree branches nodding in affirmation n swaying n swinging along to sing tht perfect song of nature. . .
Nature-which no doubt is the purest form f beauty .. . So siren .. . .
Standing with arms open to embrace the gesture returnd to me, i felt as if t ws meant only for me.. , making my heart skip a beat, ....swayng to the whirls of the wind. . . .i m still enjoyng it .. . With a feeling.. . ''ye dil maange more'' . . . .
Awsum is the mawsum.. . . !!

Mile long SMILES :)

I dont thnk it would be wrong to coin : "Go for someone who makes u smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile."
a simple quote that i might have gone through a zillion tyms thru my span... bt realised it today wen someone asked me "hey, can u tell me a word that is a mile long?"
as idiotic i can be, i cudn't come up with the word coz my problem is tht i use logic wen i no i dnt have...
jokes apart.bang came the simple reply............. "SMILES" : two "s" separated by a MILE!!!!
he finished his joke, but left me thinking...food for thought.

indeed the word is a mile long, it embodies so much within. a subtle simple curve can actually go about expressing a whirl of emotions, the twinkle tht glitches ur eyes wen u smile is the perfect soulmate to the lovely smile(cudn't help personifyng).
busy in the hustle bustle of lyf, n it just struck u abt the person u adore.. the spcl someone, n all u get is tht unexplained smile, buffering the ocean of emotions u struggle through,n tht gives u a kick.
u get home tired with work n ur eye meets ur dad's n u c tht simple curve persistent on his lips....sayng all the care he has for u..sayng so much so..tht he's so proud of u.
ur mind is not at peace n u dnt evn no the reason y, sometymes just some odd unnecessary somethings disturb u...n thr cms in ur mothr with tht 'smile' gathring all the care n affection tht the elements of existence can hold. a smile to caress n sooth ur soul.
the unbound thrill to c ur newbie tot, making his first moove n the smile evolves into a chuckle...
u r hurt...n wen the othr one asks u the reason.u just smile.....u did show u r hurt , bt still u care for him more n will somehow manage.........
being with frends.having the tym of ur lyf...whr people lyk mee too come into account...the smile evolves in a smirk....
in the dark woods.....wen its so much lonely n ur mind is engulfed in an array of doubts n fear.fear to loose, fear of failure, fear of evn the unjudged frights,.....its wen if u c some hope....u realise u r not alone n its thn tht ur face witnesses this strange curve pertaining ur lips again.this tym a smile of vision..wen u have hoped of hope.........
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sitting in ur own thoughts...just the way i m rite nw.......reclined, at peace, with a turmoil of emotions tht u enjoy....fiddling with ur own inner self, ur ways n methods...n the smiles tht u hv managed to bring forth....evn tht brought a smile!!!-unexplained, unbounded, so very simple...so vry siren........
just smile the "mile long smile".....n trust me its lovely to analyse, wat all emotions it brings along....i m loving it.....
evn the beautiful moon in the sky...tucks upon us frm above,,, 5 times a fortnite with the perfect curve...n i call it "MY MILE!!!"

p.s- dedicated to tht someone who made me realise wat the word embodies.!!!! smiling ur mile long smile :)

i am sooo happy!!!!!!

well........ i just have no reasons today, no good thoughts even. just a blank unperturbed mind, tht is just so calm today like never before. have no reasons, not at all....n nthng spcl did i vent thru today. nothing,,, a vry boring clumsy sunday i had , bt at the end of the day wen i m sittng now, reclined in my own thoughts, its so much peaceful..so vry soothng....dnt feel lyk doing anythng, just smiling the sense of an unknown joy.
m loving it..!!! ting ting tiding!!! lol

heavy hearted..........

For the brutal words are living and active..........sharper than any double edged sword..........

WOMENS DAY!!!!!

"WOMEN IS THE MIRACLE OF DIVINE CONTRADICTIONS"

well.well i have a disclaimer here: being a part of the fairer sex myself, my views should not be taken as my baisness towards the "special race"................lolzzzzz

Happy Women's Day- the day........leaving apart all the ''politically correct'' definitions,, what i celebrate is "ME"....the wonderful gift of femininity that i have, the gift to adore the skin that i m in. To cherish a life that is blessed with the tenderness of a feather and augmented by the strength of a hard shell.

Realms of paper an reels of films have been dedicated to describe a woman. Women oriented books promise to reveal "the secret" underlying womanhood. Biologists have spend their lifetime decoding the history of woman. But the women continues to be an enigma. Her enigma embodies her beauty. And this beauty is definately not just skin deep. And i am elated to confess my pride that i have to be a "WOMAN"..........blessed to be in the skin and salute to womanhood........

THE FIRST DAY.......

We enter with scared souls

The fear of not knowing anyone

A soft stammering voice

Heart Pondering with fear of the new world

A hundred questions running in our minds

Several thoughts evolve from all sides…

Each new face we pass by

Each new voice that is heard aside

A strange thought persist in each eye..

A few smiles that are seen

Welcoming the new world ahead

A few talks shared amongst,

Resulting in unforgettable friendship bonds…

The fear evaporates with each smile

Preconceived thoughts shift aside

New friends are made,

New bonds are formed

The fear of unknowingness is hence gone

We enter with shy stammering voice

But each day adds to the precious memories of our life

These magical years of college life

When ends brings tears in each eye

These magical years of college life

Become precious memories for the rest of our life